DUMBLEDORE: Well, Harry, it's the end of Half-Blood Prince, and I'm about to kick it. I will take a moment at this point to introduce a truly fearful undead enemy, which Voldemort will no doubt leap at the chance to use against you sometime in the future: the Inferi.
MAD-EYE MOODY: It's Deathly Hallows and I'm dead. (Falls off of broom.)
HARRY: We've got to go back and get his body!
ORDER OF THE PHOENIX FOLKS: Why do we have to do that, Harry?
HARRY: It's plain to see that the Death Eaters will make him one of the Inferi and I'll have to battle him before I face Voldemort.
MAD-EYE MOODY: No, I'm just dead.
HARRY: Then what was all that buildup about the Inferi for? Surely J. K. Rowling isn't going to forget to include them in Deathly Hallows!
J. K. ROWLING: Shut up. I have a deadline to meet here.
FENRIR GREYBACK: Rawr! I'm a horrible werewolf and a formidable foe!
HARRY: Actually, you have only a teeny-tiny part that could easily have been filled by one of the previously-established Death Eaters. I suspect you're just here for the licensed action figure potential.
FENRIR GREYBACK: I hate my life.
More fighting goes here.
RON AND HERMIONE: Harry, the venom in this basilisk fang will instantly destroy the Hufflepuff Horcrux.
HARRY: Good thing I got fatally bitten by that basilisk back in Chamber of Secrets, then. Otherwise, I'd be worried that somehow I'm a horcrux and would have to die to defeat Voldemort.
J. K. ROWLING: You have noticed a gaping hole in my logic. Prepare to die.
Fighting, acts of bravery while fighting, horrible deaths of adults we liked and of children we didn't like. Snake.
SNAPE: Stupid snake. Now I'm going to die and then they'll all realize how wonderful I was, but it'll be too late and they'll all be haunted for the rest of their lives by the fact that they were always mean to me. (Ask Michael Bay if we can borrow a Linkin Park song for this part.)
LUPIN: For some reason, I'm dead. You?
LUPIN: That is bloody lame.
DUMBLEDORE: Hello again.
HARRY: Nice place you've got here. So, when I return to the world of the living, am I going to demonstrate compassion and mercy that will somehow ultimately triumph over the violence and bitterness of Voldemort?
DUMBLEDORE: Well, not quite. Actually, the wand belongs to you, since Grindelwald stole it from Gregorovitch, and then I bested Grindelwald in a duel, and then Draco disarmed me, and then you stole Draco's own wand. So it's your wand. I think. Did I miss a step? No. It's definitely yours.
HARRY: Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
Fight fight fight fight fight.
NEVILLE: Hello, Sorting Hat. As long as you're on my head and all, I thought I'd ask you a question. A theme of the series is the fact that, while the Houses of Hogwarts were intended by our ancestors to be polarized, with Gryffindor being the "good guys" and Slytherin being the "bad guys," that is not the way that things should be. Every person has the potential for good and for evil inside of them, and our generation can break this cycle of tribal hatred and violence by offering friendship, trust and forgiveness to our enemies. But all of a sudden, Slytherin is universally filled with cowards and supporters of Voldemort, and the rest of Hogwarts isn't finding any ethical problems in fighting those children to the death. What's up with that? Are we really ending the cycle, or are we just killing enough of our enemies so that we can defer the problem to the next generation?
SORTING HAT: I do not have to answer that question, due to the fact that I'm on fire.
VOLDEMORT: Die again, Potter!
VOLDEMORT: (Thumps onto ground, stone cold dead.)
MOVIEGOERS AROUND THE WORLD: I really shouldn't have paid extra to see this in 3-D.
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