Monday, August 1, 2011

You're Scaring Jesus

Or, John 1:10 at the antique store

We just returned from an amazing vacation in the highlands of western North Carolina.

My family has vacationed in Linville nearly every year since before I was born. One of our traditional activities is a day spent in Boone, the city named for Daniel Boone and now known for being the home of Appalachian State University. On this trip, the first that Patrick has attended, we had lunch at the soda fountain in Boone Drug. The waitress, an older woman with fluffy hair and penciled-on eyebrows, took my order by saying "What can I get you, baby?" She shuffled back with a delicious, overflowing mint chocolate milkshake. "Drink on this, honey," she said, "I gave you a little too much." (You know you've left Northern Virginia when the waitress doesn't appear to want you to die.)

Next door to the drugstore is the Appalachian Antique Mall, three floors of glassware, vintage toys, furniture, costume jewelry and memorabilia. Patrick immediately found a mislabled figurine of the Infant of Prague and cracked up:
"Religious Christmas Planter"
In the same booth, a figurine of Jesus with a palm branch:
"Porcelain Fisherman w/ Feather"

Around the corner, a dealer with less certainty decided not to risk looking like a fool:
Lest you think that antiques dealers in Boone only have trouble with identifying Christian religious leaders, here's a statue of Confucius at the front of the store:
"Solid Wood Carved Buddha--very special Beautiful Detail!"
Downstairs, we found a booth with two more pieces of Catholic kitsch art. One of the local college students had scribbled a correction on an index card and tucked it into the frame:
"Black Framed Mourning Picture Mary Mourning Jesus"
"This is Saint Theresa 'The Little Flower' not Mary. . . :)"
And adjacent to Theresa, a print that the dealer didn't try decoding, instead labeling it "Theological":
"Vintage Theological Art Print Christ Nail Scared Hand"


  1. first pic: #want one
    second pic: lawl! wow...
    third pic: must have been made in the sixties...
    fourth pic: Buddha is WAY more awesome because he has a squat belly... Confucius is a weakling
    fifth pic: store owner got owned
    sixth pic: must have been done by one of the Mystics ???

  2. These are great. "Fisherman with feather" is my favorite. Wow.